As someone who also experienced the terror of workplace bullying some 18 years ago, I know something of what it is like to be picked upon by colleagues – the self-questioning, the depression, mood swings, avoidance of company, and personality change. The unanswerable “why me?” question keeps on going around your head, because there is no logical answer to it.
The sleepless nights, the overactive mind, feelings of revenge, the irritability, the inability to trust people, are all well-documented signs of the negative effects of workplace bullying.
The two professions that stand head and shoulders above all others for bullying are nursing and teaching – and by some distance. But it is also carried out in some of the most unexpected of professions, namely, charitable organisations, such as, the church.
I was a minister in the Presbyterian Church in Ireland for about 14 years, and was subjected to ‘the treatment’ by colleagues at local and regional levels. Indeed, when I tell people where my bullying occurred, and who did it, they look at me with utter disbelief. But it was in the church and by the church that I was singled out for this excruciatingly painful treatment that resulted in me, the victim, losing my job, and the perpetrators being protected by the establishment.
Sadly, this is usually what happens. When a child is bullied at school, s/he usually has to leave the school and go elsewhere, and the bully can remain on at his/her school. In work situations, it is the victim who has to leave because of a work-related breakdown in his mental and/or physical health, or by his/her own choice, but the bully, who is usually a manager, is protected by the organisation, and even promoted within it.
Those who engage in such perverted logic must take a long and hard look at what they are doing, and the longer term effects of so doing on future generations. I have worked with more nurses and teachers, as well as people from other walks of life, who have been broken by their managers than I care to mention, professional people who are good at their job and who get on well with people, and the stories were quite similar.
The bullies don’t realise this, but they are damaging, sometimes beyond recovery, the best employees they have. These are committed, dependable, hard-working people that are needed in every workplace in the country. Contrast them with the bullies – incompetent, lazy, nasty, duckers and divers, boot lickers, possessing Jekyll and Hyde personality traits, at times psychopathic, people who will tramp over anyone, no matter who they are, in order to get on in their careers, nitpickers, negative people, always criticising and fault-finding, nasty pieces of work. Beside the victims, their bullies just do not stack up.
I’d be very surprised if the four men involved in the bullying of this young boy didn’t cover up for each other. In my case, other ministers, when informed by me about the immoral misbehaviour of a church elder, treated me as a liar, and protected the individual – protection that is still in place to this day – and punished me instead. At least two of those doing the protecting were promoted to the position of Moderator a few short years later.
I can identify with the situation of this young lad – the crying, the not wanting to be bothered by others, including caring family members, the depression, and in my case suicidal tendencies. Workplace bullying is a life-threatening behaviour, and it is also life-dominating – you just cannot get what these people did to you out of your mind.
One very important fact that victims of bullying need to remember is that they did not bring this on themselves. It was the bully’s decision to inflict this on them. It was not their fault that this happened to them, and when they ask the “Why me?” question, this is something they need to remember. It was not necessarily something you did, or did not do, that accounts for the bullying, but something in the bully, some deficiency or something present in them, that urged them to act in this manner. They are to be held fully responsible for their behaviour, not excused, and certainly not to be understood. What they did was WRONG.
Another thing that is important to know, is this: you are not on your own, and you are not the only person to whom kind of thing was done. It may be cold comfort now, but when you think about it, you will come to realise that there are people out there who have survived and come through this ordeal, and who can now help those who are going through it. You need their support, for this is much too big a thing for you to handle on your own.
One former Moderator once asked me what I thought about ministers, and I told him, “I don’t trust any of you. The only time I will ever trust a minister again is when he first proves that he is a friend.” I have learned that you do not have friends in the ministry, only colleagues.
The sad thing is that this type of gross behaviour occurs in every religious denomination – sometimes the professedly purer denominations are the worst. How can someone in the caring profession par excellence be trusted when that profession not only treats its employees in such a despicable way, but then proceeds to cover up the immoral behaviour of the bullies?
I have spoken to ministers and their wives, and some of the stories I have heard from them are devastating. Ministries have been cut short and ruined, marriages have been placed under almost intolerable strain, and serious breakdown in health has been experienced by these good men and women.
In every bullying situation, including my own, there were the bullies, I was the victim, but there were also the by-standers, the lookers-on who saw what was happening and did nothing to stop it. Thankfully, the man who arrived at the garage and disturbed the bullies as they tortured the boy, is to be heartily commended for his compassion and pro-activity – would there were more like him in today’s workplaces.
Workplace bullying is currently a growing problem, and decisions such as the one taken recently by the courts can only act as a spur on to those currently engaged in this anti-social behaviour. In fact, incidences of this doubled in the nineties, and there is no reason to believe that this trend will stop.
I would say to the parents of this child to proceed to sue for compensation those who abused your son. This initiation ceremony went horribly wrong, but even if it hadn’t, it was still indefensible behaviour to inflict on any human being.
Sadly, the only way employers will be taught a lesson is when it hits their pockets really hard. Get the best lawyers you can and sue these bullies. You do not know what the future will be for your son, or you, what help he will need, or indeed whether he will ever work again; so he needs to be cared for, and those who inflicted such damage on him must be made to pay. Rogue employers like this one must know that workplace bullying will not be tolerated in any civilised society. A clear message must be sent out that bullying will cost you dearly if you engage in it.
Because of media coverage, the name of the company is now well known, and decent people ought not to give it any custom. Young people or even older people should look elsewhere for employment, because working for this company could seriously damage your health.
I said that bullying inflicts psychiatric damage – an invisible injury – and it does. The positive news is that it is an injury, not an illness, and like other injuries will heal given time and the proper care and support. My health crashed as a direct result of the bullying treatment meted out by the church, which necessitated me being under psychiatric care for 18 months; but I proceeded to study for a Master’s research degree at Magee in which I looked at workplace bullying.
However, it took me 14 years before I could attend a Presbyterian church again. I have not forgotten what that church did to me and to my family, showed no care whatsoever for us, never once apologised for the hurt caused, showed no remorse, made no attempts at reconciliation – these came from my side – but for my own good, I had to walk away from the hurt caused, and get on with life, a most difficult thing to do.
I am not suggesting that this ought to be done by every victim of bullying, for each one is different. What I do know is that it will take a very long time for any measure of recovery to be experienced, and the worse the ordeal, the longer it will take. ‘Moving on’ depends entirely on where you are moving on from! So we are all different, and our individuality must be recognised and respected.
If anyone reading this article is experiencing this terrible thing called workplace bullying, I am prepared to give what insight I can. I can be contacted at jehlynch [at] gmail.com and any help I can give will be made available.
CONTACT: Dr J. E. Hazlett Lynch, West Lynn, 23 Parkmore Close, MAGHERAFELT, Co. Londonderry, Northern Ireland, BT45 6PL. Tel. 0044 (0) 28 7963 4684. Or at JEHLynch [at] gmail.com
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